The "J" Report, Episode Two

Following the advice of my inner counselor, I cruised immediately to my nearest Alblurtson's and procured the finest infant foods made by man. A grand selection was presented and for "J"s nutrition I selected 'Chicken & Chicken Gravy,' 'Mixed Vegetables' and 'Apples & Blueberries.' I felt these puréed delicacies fit nicely with the information gleaned from the Internet regarding what "J"s diet should include.
 
Pulling 'G's as I drove home, I know I must have returned at least 10 seconds earlier than if I had obeyed all traffic signs. My Lord, this was an emergency of the grandest proportions. Had I been stopped by Mr. Law, I would have tearfully recounted the traumatic event and most probably would have been provided with a personal escort home, lights and sirens ablaze.
 
Shucking plastic bags and child proof lids as I sprinted into the house, I was suddenly flummoxed as to how I would dispense this thick goo. I'll try a spoon. Big end won't work. Ah...the spade-like narrow handle will do just the trick. By this time, "J" seemed fairly dehydrated, still breathing heavily and quite tucked up. He didn't even respond to my coo's, trills, or murmurs of encouragement. I waved the spoon handle loaded with smooth chicken paste enticingly in front of "J"s nose but he refused to acknowledge my efforts. OK, time for some tough dietary measures. I prised his wee mouth open and forced minute quantities of slime into his mouth. After a few seconds he dutifully swallowed but was not interested in more. I continued the food torture until I felt "J" had had enough to last him through the long night.
 
This morning I woke to old "J" again. Restored, although not completely, and ready for limited action, "J" was up with the rising sun and blessing me in his infantile way. Unlike other babies I have raised, "J", being a wild-child, has much different needs. I have to adjust all schedules and preconceived notions and learn as I go. It was evident that "J" was pretty darn ravenous this morn and my plan was to feed him up for another nocturnal fast, keep him safely confined and minimize all intrusions to restore his appetite and morale.
 
Plan B unfolded as follows:
 
Check on "J". If "J" asks for food, "J" gets all he can handle. Inspect "J"s poop (it's gotten much more average sized with an increasingly pleasing color and texture completely devoid of all odor).*
 
Spend the next 20- 30 minutes wisely (I learned this quite quickly, actually).
 
Check on "J". Yep, he's definitely ready for food again.
 
And so on throughout the day. "J" became positively Olympic as we ate. He gained strength from the nourishing pap and found the energy to inspect himself and make adjustments where necessary. He visited with friends and family, wary the whole while. He even sat with me for a space, a comfortable companionship marked by silent communion and gentle nuzzlings from "J"s little gourd.
 
I deem the plan and "J" a success today. Tonight is anticipated on pins and needles to see if he sleeps the sleep of the innocent. Tomorrow will bring new adventures for "J" and myself as we embark on more planning and scheduling.
 
Am being called by "J"...off to the feeding mill.
 
NOTE*: An amazing synchronicty is observed in regard to the food going into "J"s mouth and the subsequent, immediate evacuation of "J"s bowels. Extraordinary...I even know some people like this.